How do you ask for help?

How many times have you said to a friend or relative in need of help: “Let me know if I can do anything to help you,” and when he doesn’t ask you for anything, you fail to follow up? In fact, I no longer remember the number of times I have done exactly that, by which I mean failing to follow up when I do not hear back from someone in need of help, even though I would have been happy to have helped in any way I could. However, despite the presence of this pattern in my personal behavior, when I became chronically ill, I did not return contact with the people who offered me help, and I decided that their failure to follow up on my matter was due to the fact that their offers were not sincere. However, I learned that the opposite was the case quite by accident. ; A friend came to visit me and showed me an amazing handmade dress she bought for her granddaughter from a local store, and when I told her how much I loved the dress, she asked me if I wanted to get one for my granddaughter. I replied: Of course! Before I could say, “But I can't go shopping,” she was out the door. She soon returned a short time later with two different sizes of the dress for me to choose between. I chose one and wrote her a check for it, and when she left to go home, she took the dress that I did not want with her to return. This is what made her visit the same store three times that day. When she got sick, was she one of the people who said, “Let me know if I can do anything to help you?” “Yes, but I never asked her to do anything.” However, on that day, I saw on her face that going to get that dress was like a gift from me to her. Here's what I've learned about people who offer help: 1. They are honest with their offer, they mean it. 2. It is my responsibility to follow through, not theirs. 3. The best way to accept their offer is to give them a specific task to do. 1 and 2 are consistent with my own experience when I was in the position of helping others: I really meant to help but rarely followed through, sometimes because I was busy, and sometimes because I thought I might bother them. As for number 3, it must be remembered that friends and relatives are not mind readers; We have to tell them what to do, and I learned that from the “dress incident” with my friend. The more specific the request, the better. “Can you help with the laundry every two weeks? This sentence is more likely to be successful as a request than the following sentence: “Can you help with the laundry sometimes?” Although your friend or relative is likely to answer “yes” to both requests, the use of the word “and sometimes” in the second request is likely to be “preparing” for a lack of follow-up that will be mistaken for a lack of credibility on their part. Many of us do not want to ask for help, perhaps because we have been taught that this is a sign of weakness, so we cling to the idea: “I can do everything on my own.” Even if that is no longer the case, I suggest you practice asking for help. Think of this as an experiment: 1. Make a list of what you need help with: running errands, laundry, some cooking, walking the dog, changing a light bulb, and maybe even a shoulder to cry on! 2. Write down the names of friends and relatives who have offered to help, even if their offer is long ago. 3. Match the names of people with tasks that match their interests, strength, and time flexibility, as well as your comfort level with them. Taking into account the level of privacy of the specific task, your young neighbor might enjoy cooking for you once a week. 4. Choose one thing from the list and call the person you have chosen for the task. Be direct with your request, so instead of saying, “If only I knew someone who could take this coat to the cleaning,” ask directly: “Can you take this coat to the cleaning?” I don't feel well enough to leave the house. » The person you called or emailed will likely feel happy to finally be able to help. If you don't succeed, gather your courage to try again. You may think that you are putting a burden on the person you called, but on the other hand, if you do the same thing to that person, you will not consider it a burden...so go ahead! From the book 44 Amazing by: Tony Bernhard. C D